S2E5: The Headless Ghost

We begin our little story with a shot of a house that looks too much like Hogwarts. And then I remembered that this was done five years before the first Harry Potter movie came out. What is the point of this ramble? I ramble when I sleep.

Anyways. Next we have a kid who is looking for a ghost. He calls-quite menacingly!-"If you're here, show yourself!" His mom (or someone) shows up. As he explains what the hell he's doing up at this time of night, she basically looks really annoyed. I'm very annoyed. His way of speaking is very strange, and I don't know if the actor blows or if the actor thinks that kids in the 1800s spoke like broken robots.

Mom walks away. He jumps at the sounds of his-what else-black cat. We all know this is leading no where God. I'm right. We see silhouette of something reaching for the kid. The something looks like a Goblin, except nothing is mentioned about Goblins in the story.

Cut to present-day and some old guy (desperately needing a shave. Ick.) is giving a tour of not!Hogwarts. A hand flies out from under the table and grabs a little girl's leg. Unshaven Man throws girl (Sam) and boy (Dwayne) out of house, demanding that they show not!Hogwarts some respect. Oh.
Sam and Dwayne converse. Basically, Sam is a bitch and Dwayne is a pussy. That's what their five-minute conversation boils down to.

Oh. A ghost in the background.

Sam and Dwayne return the next day to the house tour. They sneak away from the group, trying to find the kid's lost head. I think this is very thoughtful of them. However, and maybe I'm just being silly, but over a hundred years and apparently hundreds of people have passed through this house. They don't think a skull would have ever been discovered? Given, stranger things have happened (I'm looking at you, 2004 Election), but okay.

They hear someone coming and screech "Get in the closet!" So much to say about that one little line, and not enough blog space.

They're discovered by UnShaved Man. Kicked out and banned this time. For real! He's serious! He means it!

Outside, they are met by a kid who introduces himself as Seth. It's the maybe!ghost from earlier. Sam, being the idiot, is all ready to follow this strange kid who neither of them have known for more than a minute. Dwayne is more hesitant. By following mommy's orders and not wanting to follow strangers who appear in the night into a strange, dark house, Dwayne is mocked and so originally called "D-D-Dwayne". Not nice.

Seth takes the pair through bedrooms in not!Hogwarts that are not seen on the tour. He tells them of a story of a boy who liked strawberry ice cream who got owned by a dumbwaiter shaft. During the story, the kid's face is never shown. I just cannot put two to two together.

Halfway through and I'm wondering, where the hell are these kids parents?

After the ice cream story, Seth locks the door to the room they in. So much for trusting the stranger who appeared in the middle of the night. Sam and Dwayne look around nervously. This episode should be shown to all little kiddies in elementary school.

Seth says he's not Seth. That he's Andrew. He and Dwayne start arguing about who should get Dwayne's head. Dwayne thinks he should keep his. I'm thinking he has a strong argument, but SethOrAndrew thinks otherwise. Dwayne says his head isn't too special, anyways and continues to insult himself. Maybe it shouldn't be shown to the little kiddies.

They open the door to the dumbwaitor and see a boy's head just kind of chilling. Andrew maybe deserves to be headless, because he is a bit of an ass.

One little interjection. I know no one expects Goosebumps to be cutting-edge as far as technology and special effects goes, but damn. I could do better than this in Paint Shop Pro. In fact, I'm fairly certain that this was done in PSP. Version 2. Or something.

Suddenly Andrew's body appears, but Seth is still standing there. I'm not quite sure if a child shuffling toward his decapitated head should be funny, but...well, it is. I may be going to hell, but I'll be laughing on my way.

We see Andrew-now holding head-walk past Sam, Dwayne, and Seth. I had to capture this because Andrew next to Dwayne looks SO DISPROPORTIONATE that it was completely distracting.

Unshaven Man returns. He tells the kids that Seth is an employee of his. Asks Dwayne to leave so that they could be alone with Sam. Dwayne obliges. Now, I might be being silly, but why does he leave his female, young friend with a strange man, alone? It's not like the two trust him, or find him particularly nice, and it's not like they just didn't see a kid walk off with his head.

Unshaven Men and Seth are ghosts. Surprise! Seth was the ice cream boy. Totally called that. Unshaven Man is painting Sam and as he paints, she disappears. Dwayne realizes that something is up (Sam doesn't give him the credit he deserves, really) and goes back to the room. Sees just half his friend's head floating there and throws a convinantly placed bucket of liquid at the painting and Sam reappars and UnShaven Man and Seth disappear.

As they are running from the house, there's some kind of random spotlight on not!Hogwarts. I can't tell if the editors really sucked that badly, or it was done purposely, or what. Whatever the case, it failed. Epically.

At the end, Unshaven Man convinces a couple of buy the house.

Dundundun!